Clean Underwear
Despite what my fellow traveler has written, my services are no longer for hire. A distant past are the days when "el Burro Gringo" or "The White Ass" as I was known would make a border run. Gone but for the memories -- and the scars -- are the prods and probes of the customs officials, the late-night "deposits" and the doctor's note that explained to the border patrol that the strange items showing up in my x-ray weren't illegal narcotics but actually the intestine of my unborn twin brother.
Today I travel the world strictly as a tourist. Today, I travel with clean underwear.
I gotta say, while I have the same anticipatory excitement I had before last year's trip this time it's mixed with a little nervousness. Mainly about Vodka.
Those of you who know me well know that I'm not a big drinker. Drop me into a country where you're more likely to see vodka rather than blood flowing through its citizens' veins and I'm even more of a fish out of water. Add to that the fact that I just celebrated a birthday and my traveling companions have already told me that we will be lifting a glass or two in Moscow to celebrate. Well, you can see my concern.
Plus, I've heard it's considered rude to turn down an invitation to drink with a Russian so I might be obligated to throw one back with half the bar if it comes down to it.
But let's look at things logically. I'm a drunk American in a foreign country, isn't that how we are supposed to act? What's the worst that can happen? I get thrown in jail for the night? Not that bad, right? I mean c'mon, the US/Russian relations are definitely better than they have been in the past and the likelihood they would try to sell my scrawny butt into the slave trade is pretty low.
So I guess I shouldn't really worry too much. I mean, if I do get arrested for drunk and disorderly at least "The White Ass" will have on clean underwear.
Brian
(Comrade, any reference to narcotics, drug smuggling, etc is purely for entertainment purposes and should not be seen as a green light for you to perform a cavity search on me at any point during my trip.)
posted by Brian @ 7:23 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I have alerted the American Embassy in Moscow that under no circumstances should you be given any diplomatic or any other type of privileges should you come knocking on their door. I have authorized them however to ship you back home via any means of their chosing; (at your expense of course). You will be identified by a "number" as we wish to not have our family name dragged through the proverbial vodka gutter..... Your number, which by the way was randomly assigned is 007, I repeat 007. Should you accept this assignment you will.....oh, sorry , got carried away for a moment. Once you memorize this number, this document must be destroyed lest it fall into the hands of the KBB um KEK ah KKK etc.
D
Can you guys talk about anything other than vodka, cavity searches, gas, and vodak? What about the socio-economics of Mother Russia, the race inequlaities, hot flight attendants, or MiIII? Come on...Oh, and may I suggest a better blog called DJ Brain?
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